The best.

I had an extremely busy day today, but it was like, the best. And I know that I'm going to get the best night of sleep ever, which is also the best. So today, in general, was...you guessed it...the best. Er well, sort of. If you took out the two pointless hours of work, and me accidentally throwing away my pickle from Panera, then it would for sure be the best. But we'll deal.

My dad and mom and I went on a bike ride today, on this new trail they built through this field across the neighborhood, it was so nice and secluded. It was right when the sun was going down, wasn't too hot, wasn't too cold. It was awesome, and I'm planning on doing it more often. But it made me think, a lot made me think today actually. For some reason a lot of little kids came into work today, and I came home and had to watch this crazy documentary that was focused on children, and to be honest, I hate kids. But in reality, being a kid is...yeah...the best, I guess. How cliche is that, wow, but I'm serious. I literally wonder, who got to decide when you are considered an adult, and when you begin to grow and get 'older'. Because personally, if I ruled the world (which would be the best) I would magically make everyone stay children until they were at least twenty or so. Like you would literally still look and act like a kid until you were that "old". It would be confusing and messed up as hell, but think about how friggen awesome that would be.

You wouldn't have to worry about making mistakes that could potentially eff your life up, or making decisions that could potentially eff your life up. Anything like that. I guess you wouldn't be able to do a lot of the fun things us teenagers do, and yeah, there is a lot of fun things, but I would sacrifice those to stay younger longer. Maybe...maybe not, maybe it's just today because of how I've practically been surrounded by little boys and girls today. But I thought I'd mention it.

I have been swamped with homework all weekend, and also been in a really weird mood. So I better just get to bed to sleep it all off. That would probably be best. PS -- Watch the Jesus Camp documentary, it will scare the shit out of you.
Exhausted for now,
Lindsey.

People....I swear

Things can be easily misinterpreted on the internet, so to clarify, my title of this entry is simply to recognize the annoyance I have for most people right now. So it's kind of like, 'People...I swear to God...piss me off" sort of thing, instead of "People...I swear, I curse and I say 'bullshit' a lot." Just to clear that up.

This has been talked about in previous entries on my blog lately, but I would just like to address the situation that is at hand....that of which is....North High School. Okay, again with the make-outers, what the hell. I hate to be cliche (and everyone should know by now, how much I HATE being cliche) but get a friggen room. Even like, a classroom would be a little more appropriate than on top of my locker, infesting it with nasty's and shit, let's be serious? Pisses me off. Then, again with the bathrooms...I understand that maaaaybe if you're having a bad hair day and can't control the fly-aways, you can be in the bathroom for a certain about of passing periods. But literally, when you are in there to simply apply more than enough eye liner and (God forbid) STRAIGHTEN YOUR HAIR, you have just got to be kidding me. There are people that actually go into the bathroom to use it...you know...what it is THERE for.

And Mike made a good point today, me and Mags were probably bashing on some girl during lunch and Mike just simply says, why the hell do you guys care? And to be honest, who knows why anyone cares, because everyone bashs on everyone. And especially at SCN. But right now, it's just the fact that it's to the point where school is basically over, yet it's taking forever to finish up. Sooo, everyone kind of just hates everyone else right now? It's weird. But I swear I don't talk horribly about people every waking moment of my life, although when the last thing you want to do is stress or think about finals and border line grades, you find things in other people to talk about. Ha, how shallow. But hey, I'm just saying it how it is...because ladies I know I'm not the only one.

Which is partially why I did this little thing here called a blog, because it's an easy way to get out frustrations. And yes, it also keeps me writing everyday, but it helps most with just clearing my head and getting me focused on the next big step. Which right now, is my creative writing story that needs to be sent out shortly. And getting my ass out of Illinois.

Flustered for now,
Linds.

Colored pens and graph paper

The day itself wasn't bad, just the work that it entailed was bad. For instance, my AP Language documentary project, my Journalism newsletter project, my Algebra 2 story board project, and my US History test that is three days before the final...is it just me or is there something extremely lame about that?

Well, I came home and sat my ass at the computer and finished mostly everything for my Journalism project, which wasn't too bad because I actually like doing that shtuff. I also wrote my outline for my Algebra 2 project, which Emma is coming over tomorrow to finish after work, gosh our story idea is so lame. I always feel so dumb writing children stories, that was in no way supposed to sound like I'm too good for that crap, it's just I sound pretty funny talking about a hungry caterpillar that keeps eating carrots, but doesn't want his friends to know that he enjoys healthy snacks! Bahah...it's supposed to resemble googol and googolplex, uhhh yeah..it's a work in progress.

Some good stuff did happen though, we got a good amount of rain which I always love (cliche, sorry) and I also, in the act of procrastination, went to target and got a new graph paper notebook. It might just be me, no actually, it IS just me. But everything seems to look better written on graph paper. Messier, and less-organized. Especially with colored pens, oh that's the best. AND when you press really hard and it goes through to the other side and it feels all nice.

Oh, and the lotion Kiley gave me in study hall still smells beautious on my hands (:
Undecided between happy, overwhelmed, stressed, and whatever else for now,
Linds.

Marley, Me, Nick and Norah

So that 'Infinite Playlist' movie was pretty fricken cute. I liked it a lot. Maybe because it reminded me a lot of life right now. Damn good music, irritating ex-boyfriends, adventure, college decisions, taking care of extremely drunk best friends, train stations, being used, and falling in love. Ew that was so mushy, sorry.

Also, I watched Marley & Me yesterday (in case you haven't noticed, this four day weekend consisted of really nothing but family and movies) and as cliche as it is, I watched it with my puppy. Hah! But what was weirddddd, was that both of them in that movie were mainstream journalists living in northern Michigan. And half the movie she was wearing Central Michigan running shorts. Coincidence? Not so sure. It's the exact lifestyle I want when I "grow up". The crowded offices, with all the desks pushed up against eachother in the big building, with journalists running around with drafts in their hands and ideas in their minds, asking eachother for advice, and then sitting down at their cluttered computers and typing up story after story after story. Everything in that movie (as far as the career goes) is what I want! Oh, but minus the clutter...mine probably wouldn't be cluttered with my unidentified OCD.

Or, another strange and ironic future-flashforward sort of deal, would be how I have to use the documentary "Shattered Glass" for a project in AP Language and Comp. You know, that doc. about Stephen Glass, the rediculous journalist who was sued for liable, considering 75% of his articles were all made up. But the way he lived and the place he worked in was literally perfect. Minus the time he spent thinking up topics to fake. But all the other crap, the meetings, the columns, Ahhh I want it nowww!

I guess I'm sort of fortunate for knowing what I want to do later on. Makes me real excited to see what's next. It's like everything is a step. High school is a variety of 'steps' though, like when you get on the treadmill at XSport, and it says 'enter time', you debate for a second, then push 60:00, next you just stand there and say 'fuck my life', push START, and cover the clock up with your sweat towel. I'm starting to cover up time with my sweat towel because no matter how much I think about what I'm going to do after college, I then remember there is another year of high school yet to come....Next step though, applying, acceptance, and just fricken WRITING my life away.

Woah, who is rocking the metaphors today? That's right.
[writing] for now,
Linds

Lovely weather, lovely day.

Despite last night, today was surprising. Surprising in a good way though, in a way that was almost like when I expected the worst, it made the good even better. Maybe that only makes sense to me, but it's like when you try some kind of food for the first time and you expect it to be really gross, and then when you actually eat it and it's good...it's like, really good. Like peanut butter and oreos. Try it. And once you try it, we can categorize my day today as "Peanut Butter and Oreos" good.

All in all, I was very satisfied that I was able to sleep until 11:30, boy can I smell summer. My dogs aren't used to my parents being gone though and having to sleep with me. So after sleeping until 11:30 as apposed to 6:00am, they were a little more hyper than I had hoped for. I'm talking bouncing off the walls hyper...figuratively speaking of course. Anyways, so I didn't end up going to school today, there really was no point, so I sat around until noon or so and then went and got my car washed. I don't think any one knows how obsessed I am with washing my car, especially the inside. But then I picked Emma up from school (haha, in my freshly cleaned car) and went to Panera where we sat for three hours and discussed our issues. Panera is basically like therapy, getting a text saying "Want to meet up at Panera for some lunch?" is like saying "Shoot girl I got so much shit to tell you, meet me ASAP." Or the texts that say "Oh my God, he literally is pissing me off so much" also tends to lead to "Broccoli and cheddar in a bread bowl with a side of the french and a small Mountain Dew."

After Panera we met Patrick at Starbucks with his friend, shoot I can't remember her name...but anyways, we just sat in the parking lot like hoodlums and talked. Went back home after that, teased my pups as if I were going to be home the rest of the day, and then walked back out to drive to the East side of town and go to the North vs. East baseball game where Ryan pitched a hell of a game. Met this girl from Grand Valley, Michigan, which totally proved the size of this tiny world. Went to grandma and grandpa's in Elgin after that with Jeff and Amanda for some pasta. Then drove home on the backrounds so that I could blare my Lifehouse CD and not be embarassed for belting out every song, even though I just told everyone on here, haha judge me.

...I could go on and on about today and how good it was. But I'll spare you (:
PS - I love the new glasses I got, except everyone at work is mistaking me for Karrie now. Hah, minus the sleave of tattoos.
"I'm learning to fly, but I ain't got wings. Coming down is the hardest thing."
For now, Linds.

Overwhelmed doesn't even begin to explain...

I hate that my teacher loves me 8th hour. And I hate that I always have to offer to do things for her just so that I don't stress her out more than she already always is. Like today, when I offered to edit 4 other kid's papers, on top of the three others I was already committed to. All by tomorrow, nonetheless. And today was going wonderfully because Mom said I don't have to go to school tomorrow, but I'm starting to reconsider...Not.

Also, I have to have them edit my story, which I'm not even sure I'm comfortable with...Personally, for her sake, I think it's a waste of time because it's not even for class, and she knows that because I'm not even really a student in that class, more or less just someone who takes up a chair and doesn't look up once from her notebook the entire period (nerd...judge me) But let's be serious. That just adds more stress because now I have to make sure I have my story done by tonight, when really I don't even need it done, and I can continue writing it without those other people's feedback, which probably won't even be much, other than Jay's, because I love her.

I need my journalism newsletter finished too. Because again, Mr. Callahan is pretty much the nicest, so I can't let the man down considering he'll probably use it for SOME sort of example or something for the newspaper or whatever, like he does with pretty much ALL my work.

I might as well major in "The study of being Overwhelmed" at CMU, or BGU, or SIU, or OSU, or BSU (haven't quite picked) because I can hardly make it out of Junior year alive with all this work, which is so pathetic? And I'm sorry if there is someone reading this already out in college, listening to me complain about the amount of work I have. Go to the top left and click 'Next Blog' because I could go on all day...

Things that...for lack of a better word...sucked.

Today sucked. Only because it's Tuesday, and every single clock at school says a different time, so all day I had no clue what time it was. It could have been 10:30 in the morning, but the clock would say 1:15, which would make it feel like the end of the day, when in reality, it was only about fourth hour.

Today also sucked because of the fact that it's coming down to where we start to count the amount of days left before summer (thirteen to be exact). And even though it's that little, that makes it go by that much slower. And I don't even really count finals because that's not school, that's just unbearable hours of testing, that screws up your sleep schedule because you spend twelve hours in Panera, and it gets to the point where you are given free food because you are caught sleeping on the booths and basically look homeless. Ha! Just can't wait.

Now, the other part that sucks about today is that the time after I had gotten home from school flew by, but the time I was actually at school, dragged on. And lastly, the last and most importantly frustrating thing that SUCKED about today was how freaking annoying the kids at school get more and more every single day.

I swear though, I don't appreciate the making-out-ers that float around the vicinity of my locker, I don't appreciate the back of my flip flops getting stepped on going up the stairs. I don't appreciate you standing so close to me in the Link that I can hear you breathing (that freaks me the hell out) and my purse literally isn't that big, you don't need to hit it everytime you pass in the POD, none of those things are nessicary. Oh, and neither is straightening your hair in the bathrooms? Let's be serious, oh my gosh give me a break.

Frustrated for now,
Linds.

Driving Questions

Were studying 'driving questions' in Creative Writing, er well, my class is, I don't really do anything in that class (including learn) because I already took the class and am just an independent study now. Anyways though, I was thinking about how, sometimes, it can be so hard to think of a driving question for a good short story, yet we have SO many that we come across every single day. I have so many driving questions that I ask myself every morning, and every night.

A few, in particular, have been bothering me quite a bit lately. Most of them starting with 'what would possess you to...' or 'who on earth...' or simply -- 'what the hell were you thinking when...'
This is how much SCN is starting to bother me, even with summer around the corner, I still want out of here. For three months I'll be out of school, but I won't be out of STC. And as far as I'm concerned, that needs to change.

A few driving questions from today might be,
-Why would you take pictures of yourself in the bathrooms at school? Is it attractive to have light, salmon colored stalls behind you while you squeeze into an already-tiny plastic mirror with two or three of your friends who all happen to be there during the same passing period. OR better yet, when you're by yourself.
-Why can you be mad at me, but I can't be mad at you?
-What is so amusing about writing on people's cars with car paint, when there is 20+ outside of someone's house and everyone's inside at the party. Sorry you weren't invited? Nice way to get back at us.
-Why does this month's issue of Cosmo suck so much?
-When can I start applying for colleges, planning where to live, and choosing my courses so I can at least get excited about getting the f out of here, because right now it's all happening too slowly for me?
-How is it possible for there to be this many bipolar people in the world?

I could go on long enough for you to have to click over three or four pages before you got to the end of just this one entry. So I'll call it quits right there. But wait, favorite thing to happen this week --
(Me and Emma, lost on the way home from Schaumburg)
"Hey, we need to get back to St. Charles, are we in Naperville?"
"No, pull out of here, take a left at the light back to 59 then get off on the next exit, then you'll be in Naperville."
"No you idiot, I don't want to get to Naperville. I want to get the hell out of Naperville and to St. Charles!" Hahah.

For now, Linds

Sunday's sunshine and not the weekend's worries

Not a lot went on this weekend, but a lot still happened. But instead of re-capping or shall I say, complaining, about the not-so-good things that happened, I'll make a list of the wonderful things that the sunny Sunday brought to the bike shop, and at home.

Well, here we go.
-I got a short stack of banana pancakes from the Manor (where I used to work) this morning with the whole fam, plus I saw Antonio at the same time and in his Mexican accent he told me how hard it was for him to put in his contacts this morning.

-I had three birthday cards waiting for me when I got to work this afternoon. One of them on a giant piece of cardboard folded in half from a box that one of the bikes came in (so you can image how big it was) that said 'Happy Boithday Bitch' on the front of it. And then the other was on the back of a business card, that said 'Happy Birthday Lindsey' all backwards...which does take a lot of thought and concentration if you haven't tried it. And the other was some crayons and constructions paper from Greg, that was the best one. (:

-The Hemmingson brothers were real nice in the basement today at work also. Our misson: Giant paper airplane out of the bike boxes that we are going to sit in and fly over to GoodWill, ALL of the employees have to fit in it though...Oh, It'll happen.

-I got the best birthday gifts ever. And, cashed some long lost pay checks and birthday money which came out to be around $400.

And the only bad thing about today, aside from a few bigger and badder things that I'd rather not get into, was I picked the wrong day to wear my Mocks to work. I just had to type an entire transcript for journalism that came to about five pages, so before my fingers fall off....Peace!

Google yelled at me...

Things are starting to fall into place! But I don't want to speak too soon. I've come to my senses about a few underlying issues, and I may have made a decision. Unless, Murphy's Law, it backfires at me and goes horribly wrong; leaving me in a long and painfully unhappy lasting of my high school "career". Let's hope that doesn't happen, ha.

Submitted some shtuff to Teen Ink, hoping to hear back from them shortly to see if they will publish some of it. All I did was send in a few poems, just to see how the whole thing works, and then once that stuff gets either pushed aside or used, I'll send some short stories from my portfolio. Or write a few new ones...yeah I'll probably do that. You know how lately you can pretty much type anything into Google, and get pages upon pages of responces? Well, being curious/bored/juvenile/whatever you want to call me, I typed in "Topics for short stories". With my creative writing teacher breathing down my back every day in class to see what I'm working on, and whether I'm getting my stuff out or not, it was my last hope to get something started. I had a few ideas already in my mind, but I don't know, I just wanted to see what came up.

So, at first they all sucked. Every single thing that came up sucked. And it progressively got worse, and not once did I come across something that appealed to me, or would appeal to anyone sane? Then I clicked on one site, and all that came up was "If you are typing into Google what topics to write short stories about....you should not be writing short stories."

I felt horrible! Humiliated! I looked around my office to make sure no one was behind me who could see the website. I instantly shot my mouse to the red 'X' box in the top corner, grabbed my Indiana U notebook (where I write all my stories) and made a whole list of ideas on my own. Which, let's be serious, could blow all the other ideas off the internet anyways.

I was just bored, I swear! Hahah.
It was a good day.

Thoughts and decisions leave me so indecisive.

So today has been full of little, discriminate, time-wasting decisions that are driving me insane. Whether it is something as simple as a yes or no, or something that is actually thought provoking and worthy of my precious time, they have been flooding my brain and I can't stand it!

For instance, I was in a really bad mood when I woke up so I really did not feel like sitting in the car with my mom on the way to school, so I questioned maybe just driving myself and 1) taking someone's parking spot in the range, and leaving them pissed off for the rest of the day, because then they would have to take someone else's, who would take someone else's...and so on. and 2) getting the pesky orange sticker on my driver side window, that even after the sixth time, still says "your car will be towed the next time you park incorrectly", and takes a bucket of hot water, a sharp razor and about a half hour to peal (better yet, pry) off. Although it still leaves that gross, sticky film behind.

Or how about deciding between a medium or small blizzard from DQ? What's worse? And in case you were wondering...I got the medium. Or, how about, what songs to put on my newest Tom Petty CD for my car? Or whether or not to text the one person I hate the most right now, or ignore him like he's expecting me to do. Or if going to the Manor for lunch tomorrow, and then Cheese Cake Factory for dinner on Friday is really a good idea...See! My mind is going to explode.

But let's be serious, this probably happens everyday, today I'm just a little more attentive.
On a brighter note -- 5 days until my birthday, 33 days until summer, but most importantly 43 days until OAR Concert!
"You wreck me baby, yeah you break me in two." PS- I'll probably put a Tom Petty quote at the end of all of these because the lyrics are starting to freak me out because of how relevant they are to me lately.

The toob...it's a frustrating thing

Television never ceases to amaze me lately. You know how when you watch those 'True Life' shows, they always make you feel such pity for those people (other than the girls that fast on cottage cheese, or wish they could elude from the sex industry)? I think it's just to show those of us that of which are certified lazy asses, that we have it made.

I'm just glad that I'm not categorized in any of the appalling topics, that of which like "I dislike my small breasts" or "I'm getting implants" or "I'm unhappy with my new body" or "I have acne" or "I'm losing my hair" or "I can't sleep" or "I'm an alcoholic" or "I'm an addict" or blah blah blah, the list goes on...continual NEGATIVE things. Why would you want to showcase the horrible parts of life, let alone on national television? Confuses me.

Even Tyra! Okay don't get me wrong, Tyra is the HBIC (as New York would say...more television!) the head bitch in charge. And she knows what the hell is up. But being a successful supermodel, actress, tv show host, blah whatever else the woman does, you have to draw the line somewhere. For instance, I watch her everyday @ 4 by the way, but today they tied together -- A pregnant girl that worked for the Bunny Ranch, and the first woman in women's college basketball to dunk -- in the same show. I'm sorry, what? Let's be serious. Whatever, I'm still going to a show when I go to New York this summer, hah.

Then there is the weird obsession that everyone has with watching some rock star/bisexual/twins/wanna-be rockstar/and whatever else try to find "love". And what's the difference between an old, long haired, eye-liner wearing Brett Michaels falling for a penthouse pet (yes I watched the season...judge me) than a good looking, charming, "bachelor" falling for a blonde haired, blue eyed beauty? Lack of class maybe...to be honest I don't know. We can all make fun of Brett Michael, New York, or Tila Tequila on 'The Soup' -- yet no one bashs the bachelor or bachelorette (if that's even liable) ?

Something to ponder I suppose.
By the way...
"I'm not afraid of you runnin' away honey, I get the feeling you won't..."
...I'm tryin' Petty, I'm tryin'.

These small hours...

"Let it slide, let your troubles fall behind you, let it shine, until you feel it all around you."

I've been doing way too many things for myself lately, and not really giving two shits about other people's thoughts or opinions, when maybe they're the ones that matter the most...or maybe not?
I can't make up my mind on whether to care a certain amount about what others are thinking, or tell everyone to kiss my ass and do it my way.

The one thing I hate the most is when people prance around saying "I don't even care what she has to say about me" or "I couldn't care less what people think about me", like they're putting up some kind of front. For what reason..I'm not so sure. I'm sorry, but let's be serious.. Everyone cares.

Especially me.